www.borrowedtimeblog.blogspot.com

Bye Bye Blog...

So, I have gone back and forth about what to do with this blog. Continue it? End it? Start a whole new non-cancer blog? Let it sit? And, well, I finally decided.... to end it.

Although my fight is far from over, (a year more of Herceptin infusions every three weeks, five years of taking anti- hormone medicine, numerous more visits to my oncologist, scans, labs, eventually the removal of my ovaries, and whatever else I don't know about yet) I know (and hope and pray) that the hard part is over! And to be honest, this blog gave me something to do when I was too sick to leave the house or too awake to get some sleep. It helped me make sense of what I was going through and it kept me thinking and wondering about the world around me. Originally I started it as a way to inform my family and friends about what was going on. I thought it was for all of you out there! Then, somewhere along the way, I realized it was for me. Writing gave me peace. It helped me to look for inspiration when I could hardly lift my head. It allowed me to stay connected to the world and to all of the people I love without having to leave my house. It made me smile.

So, now, I can lift my head and I'm lifting it high! I can leave my house, and there isn't a day when I don't. I feel like I want to move on from this journey, archive it along with all of my travel journeys. As I look over on my shelf, right next to my computer, I see my eight hand-written journals filled to the brim with my travel writings. I always kept a journal while on the road. I was always writing. This blog is no different. I might not have been "on the road" but I was/am on a very long and spiritual journey.

Whenever I returned home from one of my ventures mentioned above, I always thought I would continue the writing. I always intended and wanted to continue my journals. I never did. Not one of those eight books has an entry once I hit American soil. That is why I knew I had to end this blog. I had to officially end it. I have to say goodbye because that means I'm forever saying goodbye to cancer as well! With that said, I hope to hell I never have to start this blog up again!

SO, a huge thank you to everyone out there that hung on with me. It means so much! I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to help me through these last 10 months!

Oh, and the "Cancer Sucks" team will re-unite next August for the Komen walk. :) Yes, I will have another party!

Living!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwxeW8pusVA

Love what you do. Do what you love!

Check out the link...

No More Chemo

Officially finished with chemo! Done!

Now, I just have to get through this round of side effects... Just have to handle a few stomach issues, a bit of bone pain, a touch of fatigue, some minor headaches, and whatever else may come my way. But, since this is the LAST time I should have to feel these things, I will be smiling knowing this is it.


And what do I see in my near future... I see me:

Celebrating at the lake with my family over Labor Day
Training for a 1/2 marathon which I'll run in November
Wakeboarding at the lake the second weekend of September
Riding my bike 15 miles in the Tour de BBQ on October 1st
Going to Hermann for Octoberfest
Traveling to Atlanta in October for a wedding
Watching football, maybe even going to a Chiefs game (if I get free tickets somehow, not sure I wanna pay for that after seeing their pre-season games)
Losing the 20 pounds I have gained from taking steroids
Going to some Staley soccer and football games to watch my students play
FEELING MYSELF!

And all of that will be in the next two months! Now, THAT is me! The last year I have been missing my energy and my desire to do things more that anyone can imagine. It feels so good just making plans again, and not having to wait and see how I will feel. Maybe one might think that I'm overdoing it, coming back too strong. But, to be honest, this is me somewhat holding back. I used to have so much energy, and I just know it's about to come flooding back. I need to do something to put it at bay!

Here's to no more chemo!!!!

Next Friday the 26th....

I'm done! Done with chemo! I'll still have to go the cancer center every three weeks for infusions of Herceptin- but it ain't chemo, and that's all I care about! My hair will grow back, my energy will increase, my bones will stop aching, and my stomach, my poor stomach, will have time to heal! I should have a huge party! Oh, wait, I did that! :)

School is starting back up and I am looking forward to my students coming back! A few have already been texting me, so I think they are excited as well! It has been great to reconnect with fellow teachers and friends this last week as well. I'm really excited for this year!

I have to say I was kinda in a slump before getting diagnosed. I didn't know if I'd stay in KC, I was getting bored of running and biking the SAME trails, I was getting easily upset with my students, and I was overall not feeling myself. Well, now that I know it was because I had this massive tumor growing, it all makes sense. Now, I CAN'T wait to run and bike the SAME trails!!! I can't wait to see my kids and watch them grow and learn this year!! I can't wait to FEEL GOOD! And, last but not least, I am so excited to be in Kansas City with all of the love and support I feel from my family and friends. Crazy what perspective can do!

So, take it from me. Look around you and acknowledge the things that make you happy AND the things you don't even realize that make you happy. Smile at the co-worker walking down that hall even if you're having a bad day. Go out of your way to be nice to people who you know would be there for you in a time of need, and the ones who you think might not. Kindness is so powerful and it makes people feel so good, why don't we use it more? I simply don't understand the idea of trying to hurt someone! Perhaps it is our own insecurities that bring this behavior out of us. This week I witnessed a few spiteful conversations, and I just smiled and walked away.

When you get something like Cancer, these trivialities just don't matter. All of a sudden, life is what matters. And we strive to surround ourselves with the people we most love and the activities we most enjoy. I have learned that, not only from my experience, but from talking to other Cancer patients in the Center. There is a calm there, a love so strong from these other patients. Maybe I'm sounding way to "preachy" here, so sorry about that. Maybe it's because I just had the best time surrounding myself around 5 other great people, playing cards and laughing! I only get glimpses of my old self here and again and tonight I felt BACK. I felt almost healthy. Steroids  help me feel that way, for a few short hours. When I'm in this state, I find the love around and think, this world is pretty cool, but our actions could make it so much better!

So, my advice... Find someone this week who needs a bit of kindness. Maybe someone you don't often speak with, but should. Don't do it for yourself though, make it all about that other person. In return you'll end up feeling better, but the intentions have to be solely about the other person.

I have a quick few... I want to thank my parents publicly for taking me to every Chemo treatment (we are at 19 now over a period of 5 months). They not only stayed and drove me home, my dad filled my gas tank every week, while my mom stayed with me until I woke up from my long "after chemo naps" to make sure I was okay. They dedicated their time and changed all of their plans. They made me first in their lives for these days and I appreciate that more than they realize. Meanwhile my brother and sister-law happily changed their plans to make this work. Then they cooked all of the time for me!

I also want to thank my Cancer Sucks Team! The kindness I received there was amazing. I had people fly from Colorado and Chicago to walk, and I had people drive from outside Manhattan KS to walk. Plus, a million thanks to everyone else who came and shared this time. I also have to mention my profound gratitude for all of the donations I received- some from people I have never met before who are living in Australia! I also thank all of the out of town people who called or e-mailed me good thoughts and abundant wishes that they could have been here with us. Everything meant so much to me and thinking about all of this support brings tears to my eyes, and I know it brings tears to my family's eyes. Thank you all for being such a huge part of my life!

And finally today C.C. ran up to me with two horse toys. They were pink and blue. She was jumping up and down telling me these horses have caner. I looked a bit confused until she pointed out they were hairless. I smiled and agreed. Now I had horses to play with. That was very kind, in a 5 year old way. She was happy, as she jumped into my world to play, trying her best to understand this world. If a 5 year old can make cancer "accepting and fun" then we can all find a little something to say or to do to lighten someone else's world!

Market in Indonesia 

Train Station in Burma

Gathering water together in Nepal

Just Lovin Life in China

Okay, I'm off to bed. I have included a few of my travel pictures above. They remind me of kindness, not sure why, but they do! If you can't see it, just blame it on all of the medication I have to take. :)

The Pictures Say It All

Part of the "Cancer Sucks" team- we had over 70 people in total!

Erin and Amy- just a few months ago we were all in the hospital!

Tomorrow has Come

The Susan G. Komem walk is tomorrow morning, starting at 7:15.

Below are my team shirts!

If you are walking the race, and see anyone in these shirts, feel free to join in, high five, or harass! 

I have a team meeting spot in Washington Park, which is just east of Crown Center. My team will be meeting on the south east side of the park, right on Grand Blvd. We will be there at 7:15 a.m... From there we will walk to the start and line up for the mile walk (or the 5K run). 

After the walk, the party will begin at my house. Follow the black shirts to the correct place!

Looking forward to seeing everyone!