Ups and Downs of Life

Well, if I'm going to be honest, life has really been difficult the last few days. I am still struggling with the diagnosis of my friend Amy, and I have been frustrated that I'm still so sore and weak from this surgery. I know, I know it has only been two weeks, but I'm NOT used to being laid up. I am getting better and stronger, but if it were up to me, I'd be somewhere hiking a mountain or running a race. Luckily though, I had a good friend from high school fly in this weekend from Colorado because she knew I was having a hard time. It has been great to catch up and have the support of all of these wonderful people. She came to just sit on the couch and hang out, and drive me to my niece's 3rd birthday party at the zoo! I am so thankful I have friends like her in my life! She has made me smile all weekend, despite what has been happening.

I have had a few outings, short and sweet, which have really helped me feel normal, but I know this coming week will be very difficult. I have all of my tests Monday at KU Med, then Amy has her surgery to remove what she has named her "tumzilla" (The 8 cm tumor in her brain) on Tuesday, and then I find out my treatment regiment on Thursday. I wrote an e-mail to a friend of mine and in it I came up with this.... "I believe in the ups and the downs of life and however low you end up going down is how far you'll end up going up. So girl, expect me to fly in the next few years! But, as of now, my heart is filled with sorrow and worry for Amy and the need for me to have to concentrate on me getting better in the mean time."

I thought I'd just write an honest, somewhat raw blog. I really don't know who reads this, but it is therapeutic for me to just write. I'm just hoping the next blog will be filled with positivity!

Below is something else that can only make me smile. My beautiful nieces, whom I love with all of my heart, after just blowing out Zooey's birthday candles! Happy Birthday my little friend... (who wanted a baseball cake:)

Good News Balances out with Bad News

Well, today sucked! I mean we had a few days to celebrate that my surgery went so well, and now it's back to a bit of worry. It turns out that my tumor was labeled as a level 3, instead of a level 2. This is not the stage of my cancer, it's the grade of the tumor. Each tumor is labeled 1-3, 1 being the least aggressive and 3 being the worst. Since mine was upgraded to a 3, I have to have many more scans and tests. Monday morning I will be spending all day in the KU Med hospital getting scans. I have to have a scan of my entire body to make sure this type of tumor isn't growing anywhere else. I will also have to get a bone scan, and tests on my heart to make sure I can withstand all of the chemo I'll need.

My oncologist is presenting my case to a group of oncologists so that they can all discuss my treatment options and the results of all of my scans. I will know next Thursday what my future entails. I do know it will be 18-20 weeks of chemo, and at least 5 years of medication after. (This would be the best case scenario). So, we are back to the waiting game, and praying for clear scans and a strong heart.

If you think this made my day bad, this was nothing. Today, one of my best friends, was diagnosed with a brain tumor (the size of a baseball). Many of you know Amy Carlson, as she was a colleague of mine at St. Teresa's, a roommate of mine for over a year, and a travel companion of mine through Africa, Mexico, Cuba, and all around the States.  I went straight from my oncology appointment to the hospital to be with Amy as she found out about all of this information. Tomorrow she will see a neurology surgeon, and most likely head straight into surgery to try and remove the tumor. We don't know if it's malignant or benign yet, but we must pray for benign, and a successful surgery! Amy has already spent a few nights with me, helping me take my meds in the middle of the night and making sure I was doing well. She slept right next to me, worrying about me every step of the way. Now, it is her going through the exact same thing. Why can the world be so unfair? I am still staying positive, but today has perhaps been one of the worst days I have ever had. Both Amy and I will get through this and both of us need your extra prayers and thoughts at this time. We WILL be success stories and we WILL have people continued to be inspired by our strength. But, today I stumbled a bit, and all I can hope is that tomorrow is a better day.

For those of you who know Amy, I just wanted to include her address. I know I have gained strength and courage from everything I have received from everyone throughout my process.

Amy Carlson
1038 Lawrence Ave.
Lawrence, KS 66409

Thanks all! Here's hoping for a better entry next time!

Trying for Clarity

I'm am going to attempt to write a coherent little update, since people have been asking. I'm still a bit in the fog, because as I realized yesterday, missing a pill causes LOTS of pain. So, I  guess there really is a reason to take these magic little pills. :)

I had a follow up appointment with my plastic surgeon yesterday and he said everything looks fantastic. My skin is doing great, the implants look good, and I'm healing right on track. He was even able to take the tubes out of the right breast! He thinks by Monday I can have the left one removed! This news is the best I have had in WEEKS! The tubes are not too fun! He was impressed with how easily I'm getting around and with how much I have been walking. I have really enjoyed the daily walks with my dad, catching up on life and just being able to spend time together. So, I look forward to them for reasons other than just helping me recover faster. My mom has been spending the night, and that has been fun as well. We catch up on all the gossip and watch T.V. shows like Grey's Anatomy. She still can't understand the DVR concept though! :) I love the daily visits from my nieces, informing me of their latest antics and their new favorite disney characters. My brother and sister in law are always awesome, entertaining me with stories and cooking me my favorite foods! I also have to mention all the visits from friends, entertaining me and smirking at my drug induced slowness. I had to pause Iron Man five times last night so my friend could explain to me what was happening. (I know it annoyed my friend, but she was patient in explaining the obvious while asking if I was serious). I swear I wouldn't have gotten it without her help.

I also have been loving all of the cards, e-mails, gifts, plants, etc. Another friend of mine was over on Wednesday and he said it was like a part time job getting up to answer all of the knocks at the door for deliveries and visitors. You are all wonderful! Just a kind thought or prayer means so much to me, so I'm grateful for everything that has come my way! I feel empowered and loved!

Monday I have two more doctors appointments and Wednesday I meet with the oncologist to begin discussing my chemotherapy treatments and whatever other medication I'll be needing to take.

I am now officially on the road to recovery, it's just going to take a while. I'm confident and taking each step in stride....

whew- back to the couch...

Cancer Free

As my family posted, the surgery was a success! My last few days have consisted of sleep, pain pills, sleep, and more pain pills. I think I have spoken or texted many of you, but sorry, because I don't really remember anything. Heck, I can't even remember what I wrote above.

I am really sore, and breathing can be quite difficult, but each second that passes is getting that much easier.  I try to take about 3 walks a day, each about 15 to 20 minutes long, going very slowly that is. It's nice to get outside even if it isn't for very long. The doctors say the more I move around the faster I will heal, so I'm on a mission! I even got to take a shower today, so I feel somewhat like a normal person again!

That's all I can muster up for now. Back to the couch for a nap. Thanks again for your continued thoughts and prayers!

Smashing Success!!

Today began Heather's full recovery from breast cancer. It started this morning at 8:30 with lab work and nuclear imaging to highlight the lymph nodes during her surgery. She went into the OR at 1:30 p.m. An hour later we got a call from the nurse with great news. Heather's sentinel node was clear and no other nodes needed to be removed. About an hour later, Dr. Jew delivered more great news. She said the mastectomy was successful and the conditions were optimal for Dr. Rast (her plastic surgeon) to reconstruct the breasts and install the implants. The operations took two and a half hours from beginning to completion. Afterwards, Dr. Rast called it "amazing" to have the perfect conditions to complete the implants. He said it would eliminate the need for other reconstructive surgeries later. Heather acknowledged us with a wink and a nod as she was wheeled to her room around 5:00 p.m. She's now sleeping peacefully. The family wishes to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers.

Ready, Set, GO

Tomorrow is the day. I'll be going into the hospital around 8:30, first for blood tests, then labs, then nuclear medicine, then the actual surgery. I will undergo surgery starting at 1:00 and it will be about 3-4 hours. I want to yet again thank everyone for the numerous phone calls, texts, e-mails, cards, and visits these last two days. I'm sorry I couldn't speak with everyone, but as soon as I am lifted from the fog I will return all of your calls and e-mails.

I also want to thank everyone for their kind thoughts and prayers! I know I have a lot of people out there sending me their love, and I appreciate every single bit of it! I know your love and prayers will help me to stay strong and face this thing with everything I have.  I really have been overwhelmed by all of the kindness I have encountered, and I don't think there are words to express my gratitude!

My family will be updating the blog tomorrow night. They will fill everyone in on how the surgery went and how I am feeling. So stay tuned for that!

So.... my new "twins" and I will see you on the other side! Thank you everyone for making this world a better place to live!

Funny comments and questions

I just wanted to thank everyone for coming out to the boob voyage party Sunday. We all had a great time watching the game and hanging out.  I even had a friend from Maryland fly in for the event, or maybe I had the event because my friend flew in... Whatever the case it was great to see her and catch up! I'll post some pictures below...

I have had some amazing questions and comments from my students the last few days, so I had to share the humor. I'll just list them, in no particular order... And yes, I do teach HIGH SCHOOL.

"Ms. Macintosh do you start chemo this Friday?" (I answer that surgery is Friday, not chemo) He asks, "Is that when they put the metal balls in?"

"Ms. Macintosh, isn't it true that weed cures all diseases?" (Don't think that came from textbooks)

"Ms. Macintosh, can I ask how much all of this will cost?" (I explain insurance and copay) He responds, "In Mexico we don't have insurance, we just change our name after everything is over and run."

"Ms. Macintosh can we come visit you, and stay the week? Could that be an excused absence?"

"Ms. Macintosh, just think, Friday at this time you'll have a hole in your stomach." (Not sure at all what this kid is thinking?)

"Will you're hair ever grow back?" (Her eyes were wide and very concerned. I let her know it would) Her response, "whew, I's gonna say...."

Now, this might explain why there is a need for an ELL program and why I really love my students and my job so much. These kids make me laugh everyday.

But, one of the most caring comments was from my 4 year old niece. We were watching cartoons together and she looked at me all matter of fact and said, "Boo, there are princess Band-Aids in the closet if you need one. Go ahead and help yourself, you know where they are."

This is the same niece who, as she was leaving the super bowl party said, "Thank you so much for inviting me to your party." Pictures below: Sorry I didn't get pictures of everyone!

BOOBIE GOODBYE PARTY VENUNE CHANGE!!!!

VENUNE CHANGE:


It appears SOL is closed tomorrow for my Bon Voyage Boobies Party, so it has moved ACORSS THE STREET to


TOWER TAVERN
5:30- on
Good food and drink specials


I will leave a note on SOL, in case someone goes to the wrong place!


Hope to see you there for the "twins" last blow out party!

Damn... BRCA2 positive

SUPER BOWL/ GOING AWAY (breasts) PARTY

I'm celebrating my last weekend with natural breasts at SOL CANTINA on 31st street, off Gillham. (Martini Corner) this Sunday at 5:30. If you don't have plans, or you just want to stop in for a drink to wish my boobies a safe journey, please stop by. Sol has tons of TVs and lots of good food, so you won't be disappointed. I'd love to catch up with anyone and everyone who can make it out before I head into surgery on the 11th.

I did get my genetic testing back and it was pretty difficult to hear that I do have a genetic BRCA2 mutation. I was getting used to the idea of being able to keep at least one breast, but I will now do a double mastectomy. I feel like it is the right thing to do to avoid having to go through this process again. I'll post a table below with the stats about why this is the correct decision for me. The other hard thing to swallow is I will also have to have my ovaries removed in the next few years. Because I have this gene, I have a very high chance of also contracting ovarian cancer. Therefore, it would be much safer for me to have them removed as soon as I am willing. Umph!

Despite all of this happening to me, the worst part about it is that I worry about my family. This is genetic, so if it came from my mother's side I worry about all of my cousins, all of their children, my aunts and uncles, and OF COURSE- my mother! If it came from my father's side, I worry about him! (He's an only child). And then.... my brother and his two beautiful girls! (there is a 50% chance of having the gene passed on) I am completely willing to go through all of this just to be able to help anyone in my family from having to do the same. They can all get tested and take precautions. If anything, I am giving them the power and information to understand the risks and do everything they can to prevent getting cancer themselves. For each and every one of them, I willingly take on this fight so they won't have to!

Here are the numbers that make everything too darn clear:

Type of Cancer	BRCA1 Risk by age 70	BRCA2 Risk by age 70	Risk in General Population by 70
Breast Cancer	56-87%	56-87%	7%
Second Breast Cancer	Up to 64%	52%	1% per year
Ovarian Cancer	16-44%	10-27%	1.8%
Male Breast Cancer	Increased risk	Up to 6.9%	Up to 5.8%

Anyhow, wish I could say I was enjoying our 5th snow day- but this information has made that difficult. Although I did get to play in the snow with my nieces (ages 2 and 4). We made some darn good snow angels....